you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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