A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
