so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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