she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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