Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
