She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
