dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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