it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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