remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
