Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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