I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
