Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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