Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
