The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my shit smells like andre
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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