Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
