This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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