hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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