I think i peed on brittanys purse
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
