I think I am morally bankrupt
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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