I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
