Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Enjoy the penises
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
