just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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