i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
