He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
