Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
