Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
