We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
