new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
