Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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