New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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