i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize