My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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