Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
