Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize