I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
