I'll bet she douches with gravy.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
