is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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