come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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