RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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