i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
