why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
