Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize