Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
