I just threw up on my dentist
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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