oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
