We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize