she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
