And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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