if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
pop tarts are not kleenex
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize