Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
