my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
