ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
