It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
