That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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