So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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