Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
