Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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