I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize