I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
