break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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