A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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