was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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