dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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