I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
