i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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