Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
