how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
