Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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