I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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