I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
