The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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