There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
