He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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