we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
