About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
