genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
