were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
