we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize