I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
