Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
