I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
