we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize