you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
