We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize