He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
