It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
