And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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