I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
