Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
