i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
