i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why can't burritos get me drunk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
