I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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