I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
