NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
