that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize